The Moon and Pluto

I woke up Sunday morning and grabbed the directions to Drepung Loseling Monastery. I didn't know what to expect, but I was definitely open to anything. After getting lost, I finally arrived for the last 45 minutes of meditation. When I walked into the building, I first entered a room with about 100 dolls, strangely enough. On closer inspection, I realized these dolls were of important figures in Buddhist and Tibetan history. They were elaborately dressed in traditional Tibetan clothes. After a quick look around, I took my shoes off in the shoe room and entered the meditation room. It was deadly quiet. I was raised in a traditional Baptist church so for me, this was very different. I took a seat in the back and looked around. So many diverse people.

Everyone had their eyes closed, so I closed mine too. I heard this voice. It was barely audible but if I concentrated enough I could catch tidbits of what it was saying. "Focus on compassion" "Focus on Compassion; compassion towards all, including your enemies. Because your enemies suffer also. They suffer because they desire. They have no control over their desires, which is why we must have compassion for them. Love your enemies. Focus on your compassion." At the front of the room, sat the monk swathed in his robe of gold and red. He had the most quiet soothing voice. As I sat there and tried to focus on compassion and love and understanding that in order for me to feel truly compassionate towards enemies, I must understand that they are suffering, just as we all are, from lack of met desires. We all want so much. We are consumed by what we think we need. I understood what the monk was saying, but it wasn't until later that day that I could truly comprehend and know that what he was saying was true.

I got home, in a very relaxed mood. I cleaned up, and did homework until Jerad got home. Today was going to be a good day. He took his nap while I rubbed his back, still in my mood of giving compassion, and got the shower stuff ready so we could get cleaned up. Once we were out, our real Sunday adventure was to begin****.

As I was doing my hair, I was starting to feel a little woozy. Then I remembered all I had to eat today was a bag of chips and a PowerAde. But it was weird because I wasn't even hungry, my body just felt weird. Why did I feel like flying? Can I really fly? Who would stop me if I could? We debated on going out to eat. How do we get there? Should we drive? Should we walk? Should we bike? Wait a minute, I'm not really hungry. It's just an illusion and I think that I’m hungry because my body feels weird. But my body only feels weird because it's not of the same reality as my thoughts and the conscious moment of my mind. My body and my mind needs to be synced into the same reality. I remembered that I took the shrooms, but I couldn't decide whether they were working, or was I just over thinking them and imagining that they were working? Or were the effects just particularly strong because I had not eaten and just smoked? I don't know. And that became another sub topic for me and my thoughts on the reality that I was in at that moment.

I tried explaining these things to jerad, but I could tell I was just weirding him out, so then I thought, am I suppose to keep this knowledge of realities to myself? Because now, I truly understand that our reality isn't really what we think it is. Our reality is in fact an illusion, and it really does constantly change. And I just meditated on that for a while as I lay in Jerad's arms and examined my hands and arms that now, for some reason looked like some of Tim Burton's claymation. i was seeing into yet another reality. This must be what nirvana feels like I remember thinking. For I was zoned out and a great feeling of light and warmth consumed me. I felt as if I were wrapped into a cocoon, and the more I peeled away these realities from my mind, the deeper into the cocoon I went. I closed my eyes and everything was orange, and it soothed me. Never had I felt so great and alive. Yet not conscious of my other reality. The reality that everyone really only pretended to be a part of. It struck me, humans, all humans are only pretending to be part of the same reality. But we're not. We all have different realities, we just feel that for some reason, there's one reality that we all have to be a part of and its the same.

So we went to get something to eat. I had to remind Jerad and myself that now that we understand the realities of the world we too must pretend to be a part of "normal reality" because not everyone knows about other realities as we know of them. We're happy in our reality because we have found it, but everyone else doesn't know. They don't understand. That's why we're so happy , because we understand it, we've found ours. We must understand that most other people simply have not found their's yet, and probably never will. And that thought saddened me greatly. I now understood, what the monk was saying. Having compassion for my enemies because truly at that moment I thought of all the people who had not yet found their ultimate reality and it saddened me to know that they'll never experience true happiness and warmness and contentment.

That night, i only ate because I knew my body needed it. But I didn't desire the food I ate. I didn't desire the tv I watched. I didn't want or need anything, because i was so happy. I was just happy and content with who I was at that moment. As we biked I didn't struggle up the hills I normally would have, because I was so confident, I knew that eventually I would get over those tough hills so why did I have to struggle? Why would I be out of breath? Why would they be difficult? They're only difficult because "normal reality" tells me they would be. But in my reality at that moment, the laws of physics did not apply to me.

As Jerad and I talked and laughed and rode around, we decided, if everyone were on the right amount of shrooms, there'd definitely be no war, or crime, or conflicts. It's not in a person on shrooms to create such disharmony. Doctor's jobs should be finding everyone's happy medium as we did. Finding the exact right amount to give everyone the same peaceful euphoric feeling that we had. As we walked around the grocery store, never had I felt happier to be a vegetarian. I was never a vegetarian for any particular animal rights reason, but last night, I re-evaluated why I was. At some point, all of these animals were living breathing beings. And I in understanding the realities of the world and being in my ultimate one, couldn't fathom the thought of someone eating something that could have once been as happy, and content, and euphoric as I was. Who would want to take away that joy? Because it is joy. Being happy and content and desiring so little.

I wanted to shake everyone i came in contact with to say "Snap out of it!" You're not really what you think you are! You haven’t found what I've found! This is why you're so unhappy! You just think I'm crazy but I'm not, because in my crazy world, my crazy reality, I've found happiness. I've found joy. I've found that all my desires are met because I haven’t any. I walked with the biggest knowing grin on my face. I found my answer.

You see, we have wars, and violence, and crimes, and discontentment, because it's all out of people searching for their own happy reality. We have this uniformed image or ideal of what peace and happiness is and we try and force everyone to become a part of the reality that we feel is correct. But the truth of the matter is, it's just people not understanding that everyone has their own happy reality. And the conflict occurs because we constantly search for these man made things that we just know will make us happy, be it a McDonald's big Mac, a big screen TV, a nice car, a hot body, beauty. All of these things are not really part of one's true nature, so why must you have them for happiness? Because once you have them, you will always want more. No wonder why people are so miserable. No wonder why people kill and hate and have ill will towards each other. It's inevitable. It's just being ignorant of true happiness and joy.

So we make up stories and Gods, and heavens to get people to act right. The concept of heaven isn't really a place in the sky. I think t was just our ancestors way of explaining that happy reality they were in. Because when you are kind, and loving, and giving, and compassionate, and when you release yourself from negative thoughts and feelings, and you truly feel compassion for those who wish you ill; it's like being released into another reality that you didn't even know existed. And you’re happy and amazed at the wondrous excitement of that moment that you're in. It's a concept and experience that is hard to explain, or even put into words. So you have to make up stories in order to explain to everyday people not yet aware of this different reality or view of life.

I'm not suggesting we all go on mushroom binges or anything, I'm just saying that was the best trip ever, and i think I've found my own freaking religion. My God? The Shroom Reality. haha.